I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
