Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
