Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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