I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
