a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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