I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
third nipple confirmed
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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