i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
