Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
