saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
