Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
