FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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