i need an iv and a liver transplant
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
