It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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