The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
