I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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