You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
