I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
