New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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