mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
