I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
