this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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