Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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