used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
