I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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