it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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