Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
