her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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