We won't sleep together?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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