I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
