speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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