my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
