They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
