do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
