Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
