I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
