I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
