Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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