I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
