I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I love having hate sex.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
