I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The feeling are messing with the penis
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
