I hate your face
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
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