Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
