if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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