Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize
