Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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