buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I smell like Dick and happiness
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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