So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
