dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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