I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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