12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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