If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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