so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
